Life
by MyNameIsJustine
Summary: Lily used to be happy, but that was before her 2 best friends betrayed her. Now they play games with her mind until she can't take it anymore. Can James save her from them…and herself? Will she let him? Lily/James Please review.
1. The Beginning

Summary: Lily had a great life filled with love, friendship and happiness. Then, her 2 best friends turned their backs on her. Can James save her from them…and herself? Lily/James.

**Life**

**Chapter 1- The Beginning**

**(An: I would like to inform you that this story is based on something that happened to me. It is true except for all the love scenes, but everything else is absolutely positively true. The difference between this story and what happened to me is that my friends got jealous when I was invited to visit our friend that moved away. Not because the guy they like fell in love with me. And unlike Lily, I found new friends that saved my life even though they don't know it. If this has ever happened to anyone else, I'm truly sorry. If I can make it through, you can too. Don't give up.)**

(Here are short profiles for all of the characters)

**Lily-** 15 years old. 5'4''. Painfully sensitive, kind of shy and always smiling.

**James-** 16 years old (birthday in summer) 5'11''. Kind, arrogant and somewhat idiotic.

**Sirius- **15 years old. 5'9''. Goofy, easy-going and loyal.

**Remus- **15 years old. 6'. Somewhat quiet, serious and intelligent.

**Brittany- **15 years old. 5'8'' Immature, competitive and a follower.

**Ashley- **16 years old (held back a year) 5'2'' Easily jealous, immature and a user.

(Prologue)

It's always so unexpected…so unpredictable. You never know when it'll happen because it sneaks up on you like a cat does a mouse.

It felt as if my world, as if my heart was shattered, as if it had broken into pieces that would never be put back together again. The pieces so miniscule that they fell through my fingers like sand.

After that, I didn't know if I could ever live like I did before. I fell deeper and deeper into the dark hole where my heart was supposed to be.

Happiness is no longer a part of my future; it's a part of my past.

_**(Flashback)**_

"Bye Mom! Bye Dad!" I yelled as I ran for the train. I was late again because I had trouble fitting all my abnormally large textbooks into my suitcase. You wouldn't believe how much bigger they get every year!

I managed to slip through the doors, only to fall clumsily on my face. Turning beet red, I got up quickly and tried to find a compartment and my friends.

After looking for a short while, I turned around when I heard a familiar voice shout, "Hey Lily!"

My face broke into a full-hearted smile when I saw it was Ashley and Brittany walking towards me with their suitcases in tow.

I've known Brittany since our first year (5 years) so my friendship with her is stronger than the friendship I had with Ashley. Brittany has short brown hair with blonde streaks that goes well with her naturally tanned skin. Her face is round/oval with small brown/blue eyes, thin lips and a somewhat upturned nose. Her build is heavy on top and slim on the bottom. She also has a little trouble with acne because of all the sweets she eats.

Ashley isn't as much of a friend to me as Brittany because I have only known her since last year. She has pale skin with brown hair (which has too short bangs), round eyes, upturned nose, and average shaped lips. She has one very large mole on her right cheek, that is sprouting hairs, but she either doesn't care, or doesn't notice. She is very skinny/bony and doesn't have very many curves. She also has no chin.

Since I'm describing people, I might as well tell you a little about myself. I have crimson red hair (I like the way crimson sounds) 5 inches past my shoulders with many layers and a fringe on the left of my forehead. I have green eyes that look blue when I cry and a small nose with average/full lips. My face has clear skin and is oval-shaped and I have an average/semi-curvy body. And unfortunately, I am not that tall.

"Hey guys!" I exclaimed while giving them tight bear hugs, "I've missed you both. How was Hawaii and Arizona?"

"Hawaii was very hot, but the sea was beautiful. I had a lot of fun." Brittany replied while smiling.

"It was nice in Arizona, but it would have been nicer if my little brother wasn't there to annoy me." Ashley said with a sigh.

"I know what you mean, it's nice to be back at school and away from Petunia and Vernon. Ugh! When they make out, their happier than pigs in shit…but I can't say that for the rest of us…it's actually quite revolting…" I shuddered because of the bad mental images.

"EWWW!" Brittany and Ashley squealed.

"I know," I replied while making a disgusted face, "It's nasty."

After talking for another minute or two, we realized that we should probably find a compartment now. We searched and we came across what we had desired, an empty compartment.

Once we were settled in we talked about our vacations, our families and our crushes.

Brittany and Ashley both have huge crushes on James Potter. Sure he is good-looking, but I am more interested in Remus Lupin. He isn't arrogant or idiotic like Potter is, not that I have a problem with him.

Brittany and I like to admire our men from afar, but Ashley is a bit of a stalker. She even knows where Potter lives! She also shows of in front of him…or tries to, but oh well, that's Ashley for you.

Anyways, we talked about other random things before we got changed into our school clothes because we were nearing Hogwarts. I can't wait to see it again!

When I was coming back from getting changed I bumped into Potter. "Whoa! Watch out Lily. Wouldn't want to fall on your pretty little face," he said.

"Thank you so much Potter," I said sarcastically as I headed for my compartment.

"No problem!" he replied in a cheery voice with that dumb grin plastered on his face, "I don't mind when pretty girls run into me!"

"Ugh…" I sighed while I pretended that I was momentarily deaf when Potter shouted that to me.

That's the thing…I forgot to tell you one teensy weensy detail. I mean it's no big deal, I just remembered about it now. Can you keep a secret?

No one knows about this, (which is surprising because it's not like Potter tries to hide it) so don't tell anyone.

I never meant for this to happen because it would hurt my friends if they were to ever find out…and I don't want to do that.

…but…

I can't deny the fact that James Ian Potter is in love with…

…me.

**Authors note: Well that's it for this Chapter, I'll try to update soon, if I get enough reviews. So please review if you like the story! If you don't, you can't complain about my slow updating. It would also make me very happy! ******

**Go on press the review button…you know you wanna!**


	2. The Truth

Summary: Lily had a great life filled with love, friendship and happiness. Then, her 2 best friends turned their backs on her. Can James save her from them…and herself? Lily/James.

**Life**

**Chapter 2- The Truth**

**(An: First of all, THANK YOU FOR THE REVIEWS!! It makes me happy to know that people like my stories. I am excited when I get just 3 reviews, so thank you. Second of all, I will try to update as soon as possible, but it's hard to write about this story because it's true. My friends tormented me from last October to January, it's only been a few months since then so, I am still healing. Because I am very sensitive, it takes me a long time to get over things like this. I also have an anxiety disorder so, when I have homework or something else that I worry too much about, it might make me update a little slower, but I'll try my best. Just so you know, I am mostly writing this story for myself because I hope that after I'm done writing, I can move on with my life. But I am writing it for you guys too. Thank you again for the reviews, they made me smile.) **

_**From Chapter 1**_

_That's the thing…I forgot to tell you one teensy weensy detail. I mean it's no big deal, I just remembered about it now. Can you keep a secret?_

_No one knows about this, (which is surprising because it's not like Potter tries to hide it) so don't tell anyone._

_I never meant for this to happen because it would hurt my friends if they were to ever find out…and I don't want to do that._

…_but…_

_I can't deny the fact that James Ian Potter is in love with…_

…_me._

_**(Still Flashback)**_

You may ask how I know that. Like I said before It's not like Potter tries to hide it, he's always telling me I'm pretty, he stares at me when he think's I'm not looking, teases me, etc.

So now you know my deep dark secret, the one thing that could change my life forever.

After I got back to my compartment, I met up with my friends and we grabbed our suitcases and got off the train.

When we made it to Hogwarts I looked up at the building and bubbled with excitement. Hogwarts is like a second home to me, but better because I have friends that love me, (not that my family…err…parents don't) and I finally got to use my wand again.

I love magic. Casting spells, (good ones) reading books about them, you name it. If it has to do with (good) magic, I love it.

After the first years were sorted into their houses and we finished our feast, my friends and I headed to our room to catch up before we went to sleep.

Before we even closed the door Ashley squealed out, "James is even hotter this year!"

"I know!" Brittany replied, "He was looking our way during the majority of the feast."

"Really!?" Ashley exclaimed. "Yes! He even had a dreamy look on his face!" Brittany replied animatedly.

"Oh my god!" Ashley screamed….

I ignored them because I noticed something on my bed, a small box with holes on the side and a green ribbon that was tied in a bow on top.

I opened the box to find a small black kitten with a little white blotch on its forehead. It was utterly adorable with large bright green eyes that looked a little like mine.

"Hey guys…" I called quietly.

"I hope he's in some of my classes this year!" Ashley said.

"Hey guys!" I said louder, "Come here and look at this."

"What is it?" Brittany said, but when they got closer I just showed them my present.

"She's gorgeous!" Brittany said, "Can I hold her?" I nodded and handed her over to Brittany. "Her fur is so soft!" She exclaimed.

"Where did she come from?" Ashley asked me with interest and curiosity.

"I have no clue," I replied. While Brittany and Ashley were petting and cooing at the kitten, I saw something shiny in the corner of my eye.

I looked in the box to find a small shiny red card taped to the side. I pulled it off and opened it carefully, inside it said,

_To Lily,_

_This black kitten reminded me of you because you both are beautiful and have the same startling green eyes that I could swim in forever._

_Yours truly,_

_James Potter_

I stared at the letter in silent horror for a moment, then I stuffed it into my pocket before Brittany or Ashley could notice. I can't believe my luck! Why did he have to like me? I don't want to hurt my friends' feelings, but I also don't want to keep secrets from them…

I don't know what to do.

"Lily?" Brittany said, "What do you plan to name her?"

I picked the first name that randomly popped into my head, "Onyx."

"Onyx? Why don't you name her something better that's cute, like Precious or Whiskers?" Ashley said with a weird look on her face.

"I like the name Onyx," Brittany said while giving Ashley a little shove, "It suits the colour of her fur. A cute name wouldn't really go with her personality because she's so feisty."

It was only then that I noticed that Onyx didn't like being held by Brittany because she kept squirming and nipping at her arm. "Here," I said, "I'll take her."

But she didn't like being held by me either, so I put her on my bed. She curled up on my pillow and tried to sleep.

"Are you sure you don't know who gave her to you, did it come with a card or anything?" Brittany asked.

"We should probably go to bed," I replied it's getting late. I glanced at the clock and it stated 11:07pm.

"Yeah I guess so," Ashley said with a little suspicion underlying her words.

I quickly got ready for bed as the girls talked about other random things. I was getting into when I heard a, "Hiss!"

Oops! I accidentally put my head on Onyx instead of the pillow. "Sorry kitty," I cooed as I moved her off my pillow and onto the empty space beside my head.

I petted her for a moment and then I thought about the note that Potter had given me. It didn't seem like something he would write because he doesn't seem like a guy that could make words sound so beautiful.

I blushed when I remembered what he written down. I still don't like Potter, but I have never been given a present with such an exquisitely written note from a boy before, so I was a little embarrassed.

Yawning, I turned and said, "G'night," to both Brittany and Ashley.

"Goodnight," they replied in unison before giggling and getting ready for bed.

I turned around and let my thoughts drift away while my eyes closed slowly…

"Wake up!" Brittany yelled frantically as she was pulling on her shirt. "It's already time for breakfast; get your arse out of bed right now!"

I sat up drowsily and rubbed my eyes while taking in everything. I felt something soft brush against my arm, oh yeah; I had a newly required feline friend.

"Good morning to you too sweetie," I said to Onyx while she rubbed against my arm and purred, "I better get you some food."

"But first you better get ready!" Brittany called to me, "I'm going down for breakfast okay? Ashley already left, so we'll see you later!"

"Bye!" I called back as she closed the door behind her. I quickly got ready and used a summoning spell to bring a large back of cat food that promptly smacked into my face.

"Ouch!" I yelled while conjuring up a bowl and putting some cat food in there for Onyx. "Bye Onyx!" I said while I put it on the floor and ran out the door after hiding the bag of food.

I made it on time to the great hall only to run into Lucius Malfoy…Oh great.

"Watch where you're going you filthy little mud blood," he said in a dead slow voice as I stumbled backwards.

"Oh shut up you git!" I yelled at him.

"What was that?" he said with an evil smile on his face, "You want to be punished?" He began to pull out his wand tauntingly.

"Leave her alone!" Potter yelled from behind me while grabbing my arm and yanking me back against him. "She only told you what you are."

I was worried that Brittany and Ashley would be watching, so I tried to tug my arm away, but he wouldn't budge.

Malfoy just turned around and walked away because he noticed something behind Potter. I turned to see Sirius and Remus standing behind him. Sirius had a scary look on his face while Remus looked at me with sympathy. I blushed and looked back at Malfoy's back as he trudged to the door. I guess he was at least smart enough to know that the odds weren't good for him.

"Thanks," I mumbled while I pulled away and tried to walk to the open spot beside Brittany and Ashley, who were unfortunately watching me.

Potter grabbed my arm again. "Wait! Did you like the present I gave you?" I heard a gasp from Ashley and I looked at them in horror. They both looked shocked and Ashley looked jealous. I tried to play dumb.

"What present?" I asked.

"The black kitten, I'm pretty sure I put it on the right bed…" Potter said while pondering to himself.

"Oh that present. Um…yes I love it. Thank you. Um, well I have to go now," I said while pulling away again and walking to my seat.

"Wait! I have one more question!" Potter called to me, so I stopped and turned around. And he said…unfortunately rather loudly…

"Will you go out with me?"

Oh bugger.

**Authors note: I have decided to stop here, it's the last day of Spring break, so I might have to wait until next weekend to update, but like I said before, I'll try my best!**

**Please review! **

**It'll only take 10 seconds and it will make me smile!**


	3. Oh Bugger

Summary: Lily had a great life filled with love, friendship and happiness

Summary: Lily had a great life filled with love, friendship and happiness. Then, her 2 best friends turned their backs on her. Can James save her from them…and herself? Lily/James.

**Life**

**Chapter 3- Oh Bugger**

**(An: Sorry it took me so long! I've been so busy with school, I have provincials coming up too, so I may be a little slow, but I will be really grateful if you guys stay committed to my story. THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR LOVELY REVIEWS!!)**

**Claimer: I own all poems used in this chapter**

**Disclaimer: I've been forgetting to do this…oops. I do not own Harry Potter or Brittany or Ashley. **

**From Chapter 2**

_Potter grabbed my arm again. "Wait! Did you like the present I gave you?" I heard a gasp from Ashley and I looked at them in horror. They both looked shocked and Ashley looked jealous. I tried to play dumb._

"_What present?" I asked._

"_The black kitten, I'm pretty sure I put it on the right bed…" Potter said while pondering to himself. _

"_Oh that present. Um…yes I love it. Thank you. Um, well I have to go now," I said while pulling away again and walking to my seat._

"_Wait! I have one more question!" Potter called to me, so I stopped and turned around. And he said…unfortunately rather loudly…_

"_Will you go out with me?"_

_Oh bugger._

_**(Still Flashback)**_

_Breath quickening,  
_

_forehead sweating,  
_

_heart speeding,  
_

_never sleeping,  
_

_life ticking,  
_

_always breaking,  
_

_never waking,  
_

_from this nightmare.___

_...not again._

It was all too much after my run in with Malfoy, and her unexpected gift from yesterday.

I looked back and forth between the faces watching me, until I was consumed by a deep, black abyss.

"Lily!"

I was woken up by some voices, none of which I recognized in my groggy state of mind.

'Where am I?' I thought to my self, 'Who is that? Are they talking to me?'

"Ugghhh," was the only sound I could make at the moment.

"Miss Evans, I'm so glad you're awake. Are you alright love?" Madam Pomfrey said.

"m' fine" I grumbled back, "What happened to me?"

"I wasn't sure for a while, but I finally figured out that you have an anxiety disorder, luckily it isn't too extreme," Madam Pomfrey replied in her kind voice.

"Wasn't extreme?! I bloody fainted!" I shouted angrily before thinking.

"Miss Evans! I will not tolerate such behaviour and language in this hospital wing. I have people that are sick or hurt and they don't need you shouting!" She hissed at me, while trying to keep quiet.

"I'm sorry," I said quickly, "I'm just grumpy because I woke up moments ago, as you know."

"I'm sorry too deary, but about your anxiety disorder, I'll need you to keep this potion with you. It's called a "_Calmicas"_ potion, (Kaw-mi-cuss) it will calm you down next time you start to get too stressed out. Carry it with you at all times, it only requires 1 tablespoon because it is very strong, anymore than that and it will put you into sleep for days." said Madam Pomfrey.

"Thank-you, may I go to class now?" I asked quietly.

"I'm sorry Miss Evans, but I'll need you to stay here for the remainder of the day, can't have you fainting on us again can we? Also, you did say that you "bloody fainted" and you were saying it was extreme, your heart rate is still quite erratic, so I'll be keeping you here just in case," Madam Pomfrey replied sternly.

"Alright, I guess I'll go back to sleep," I said glumly, while turning pink in embarrassment.

"Good idea love, you need to get your strength back, sweet dreams," She smiled cheerfully and went over to a 1st year with bandages on his leg.

"Does it still hurt sweetheart?..."

I didn't listen for much longer because before I knew it, I was fast asleep…again.

I stayed in the hospital wing for 2 days until my heart was back to its original heartbeat. I had been visited frequently by James, but I pretended to sleep every time he came around.

Unfortunately, as soon as I was let out of the hospital wing, James literally bump into me at the door.

"Whoa, steady there Lily…" Jams said as he helped me stay upright, "I didn't know they let you out! Good timing, it's Hogsmead day tomorrow, so we can go on our date!"

He grabbed my hand and started walking down the corridor

"Wha-bu…whaaa? I never agreed to anything," I stuttered out while trying to pull away.

"But you fainted because I ask you out, so that must be a yes to my impending question!" He replied jovially.

"No…it wasn't. I'm sorry, but I cannot go out with you." I said quietly after I freed my hand, "Goodbye."

"Wait! Lily?..." He called out while I walked away, "I'll see you tomorrow!"

I just told him I couldn't go tomorrow, what is his problem? Sure it wasn't the nicest way to turn him down, but I wasn't really mean either. Plus, I don't want Brittany and Ashley to be broken hearted either, they are two of the most important people in my life right now. Sure family is important to, but there are certain things that you only talk to your friends about…and friends are family too, the only difference is that you get to choose.

I gave the password to the Fat Lady and walked into the common room quietly because it was probably 10pm. Some people were probably asleep. Creeping up the stairs, I tried to open the door to the room that Brittany Ashley and I shared, but it was locked, so I softly knocked on the door.

I waited for a few minutes, but still no answer. I decided that I would just sleep on the couch in the main room.

I found it kind of odd for the door to be locked, we usually don't lock it.

As I lay down I thought of everything that happened. Were they mad at me? Come to think about, they never visited me…

'Stop thinking like that!' I scolded myself, 'They would never do that to, they're your best friends, and don't even think like that!'

I fell asleep, hoping to stop my thoughts of doubt, but I started having a nightmare.

**Nightmare**

_It's dark here_

_I can't see anything_

_Why am I here?_

_Where am I going?_

**I saw Brittany and Ashley standing in the corner of this dark room with tears in their eyes. They turn to look at me.**

_Figures in the distance_

_Filled with dread_

_They turn my way_

_Eyes searching and dead_

"**Get out of here! Let us be!" screeches Ashley.**

_What matter is there?_

_A sadness it seems_

_Has washed over you_

_In my dark, anguished dream_

"**What's wrong? What did I do?" I cry back dazed and confused.**

_But what is the reason?_

_For this anguish and sorrow_

_Oh please won't you tell me?_

_So we can be friends again tomorrow_

"**Everything is wrong! You stole our one true love, when you knew how much he meant to us!" Brittany screamed out in agony.**

_I'm sorry _

_I didn't mean to hurt you_

_I'm sorry, so sorry_

_What else can I do?_

**I wanted to tell them I was sorry, to hug them and beg for forgiveness, but they suddenly disappeared, fading away into nothing. **

_Fading quickly_

_Soon to be gone_

_I stare with wide eyes_

_What have I done?_

"**Don't go!" I cry out, "No!"**

_I stand here in silence _

_With tears in my eyes_

_I sat down alone_

_To cry and cry_

**No…**

_Such a sad place it is_

_I'm cold an alone_

_Between these walls_

_Of iron and stone_

**NO!**

**End Nightmare **

"Lily?! Wake up! Please wake up!" I look up and see Potters face close to mine filled with concern. His hands were on my shoulders.

I heard people coming down the stairs, the voices of Ashley and Brittany echoing down the staircase, so I struggled free from his shaking hands and ran through the portrait.

"Lily! Wait!" I could here him running behind me.

"Go away, I need to be alone!" I turned around to yell at him and as I was doing so I tripped over a stone tile sticking up from the floor.

I shrieked as I fell and scraped my knees and hands.

I tried to get up, but Potter stopped me by grabbing my shoulder. Turning around, I saw him on his knees behind me panting a bit.

"Lily…are you alright? I walked through the portrait and heard you screa- hey! Wait a minute!" He exclaimed. I tried pulling away and I had gotten up, but he grabbed my waist and pulled me back.

"You need to calm down or you'll have an anxiety attack!" He said urgently as I struggled.

I was trying so hard to get away, that my feet came off the ground and I started kicking him. "Let go!" I cried out with tears colliding down my face, "Please! Just let me go!"

"Ow!" James gasped as I hit him in the shin. He walked over to a bench that was against the wall and sat down, putting me beside him, so I couldn't kick him again.

I got up as soon as he let go, but he pulled me down and this time into his lap. "Stop it!" I shrieked, while pushing against his chest. He wrapped his arms around me and put his mouth close to my ear, "Calm down Lily, calm down."

He kept chanting in my ear until my struggles ceased and I just threw my arms around him, sobbing my heart out.

"Now what's wrong Lily? You can tell me. I want to help." He whispered quietly.

"I-It was so h-horrible!" I gasped out, "I was alone…t-they left me alone in that d-dark cold room."

I had to stop talking because I could barely control my voice.

About a minute later, when I had calmed down, I asked James, "How did you know I have and anxiety disorder?"

"Madam Pomfrey told me, since I came to visit you a lot," He replied.

"Lily? Where are you?" I heard Brittany's voice being carried down the hallway. She was close.

Before I could let go of Potter, Brittany, Ashley and Sirius came around the corner.

Sirius had a sly look on his face.

Brittany and Ashley had both of their faces contorted with horror and betrayal.

**AN: Sorry it's another Cliffhanger! Well, actually not really. Please review and I'll try to update faster. At least I'll have more time because it's summer! Woohoo! Even though I have one last provincial exam to write tomorrow, I still decided to finish this chapter instead of studying, so you better be a little grateful…please!**

**You can show your gratefulness, by reviewing. Just push the little button, because in this case nothing with blow up if you do. hehe**


	4. Falling Through

Summary: Lily had a great life filled with love, friendship and happiness

Summary: Lily had a great life filled with love, friendship and happiness. Then, her 2 best friends turned their backs on her. Can James save her from them…and herself? Lily/James.

**Life**

**Chapter 4- Falling Through**

**(An: THANK YOU FOR THE WONDERFUL REVIEWS!! (My math provincial was a disaster :( boohoo) I was in summer school for the month, so I was busy with that every day. :( Another reason for why I didn't update was because I had birthday parties to attend and host. (My birthday was on July 30****th****) I was also away for a week at a friend's house. I'm sorry! I'll try to update faster.)**

**Claimer: I own all poems used in this chapter**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or Brittany or Ashley. **

_**From Chapter 3**_

_About a minute later, when I had calmed down, I asked James, "How did you know I have and anxiety disorder?"_

"_Madam Pomfrey told me, since I came to visit you a lot," He replied._

"_Lily? Where are you?" I heard Brittany's voice being carried down the hallway. She was close._

_Before I could let go of Potter, Brittany, Ashley and Sirius came around the corner._

_Sirius had a sly look on his face._

_Brittany and Ashley had both of their faces contorted with horror and betrayal._

_**(Still Flashback)**_

**Oh no, I've done it again,**

**I hurt the people I loved, **

**I hurt my best friends.**

**Oh what punishment will I get?**

**Surely I deserved it,**

**Even though I'm filled with regret.**

**I'm sorry, don't go away,**

**Promise to you'll forgive me,**

**Promise me you'll stay.**

**I know I deserve it, but I can't handle it,**

**Being so lonely,**

**Lost in all of this.**

**I'm falling through the void**

**To land in a fortress of flames**

**Is this hell?**

**Will somebody save me?**

**Or will I continue to burn with regret**

**Until I am nothing but ashes?**

"W-what are you doing?" Brittany questioned, heartbroken. "You bloody cow!" Ashley screamed, "How could you do this to us?"

I freed myself from James' grasp and started walking over to them, "I didn't mean to hurt yo-"

But they were already walking away. And then they were gone.

"What _were_ you doing?" asked Sirius in a curious voice. "What was _that_ all about?" He continued as he gestured towards the hall where Brittany and Ashley walked down.

"Oh no," I whispered out, "I'm so horrible…my best friends."

I didn't even know if they were my friends anymore.

I walked up to my dorm after explaining everything to James and Sirius. It was bedtime now.

I was scared to go to my dorm room, but I knew I had to face the music. I hoped that they wouldn't yell too loud.

When I opened the door there was only silence. Yes, they were there, but they completely ignored me, "I'm sorry…so sorry, you guys?"

At that point, silence was worse than screaming…

I woke up to find their beds empty and went to go have a shower. After I was done, I quickly got dressed, and went down to the great hall for breakfast.

I spot Brittany and Ashley and went to sit beside them. I still needed to apologize and explain.

"Look you guys, it wasn't what you think. It's just a misunderstanding, I was crying and James was comforting me. Will you forgive me? Because I am so very sorry."

I got no response; they didn't even look at me. "Ashley? Brittany? Did you hear me?"

They still continued to ignore me.

I tried as best as I could to get them to talk to me, to forgive me for what I had done, but still I received no response.

It had been 2 weeks since the incident and I needed some friends. So I decided to become better friends with some girls that I usually talk to in between classes. I couldn't stand to be alone anymore.

**(AN: DESCRIPTIONS AND NAMES OF THE GIRLS, ALL REAL PEOPLE AND HOW THEY LOOKIN REAL LIFE**

**Shelly Slade- Short, with pale skin, dark brown eyes and black hair in a short spiky cut. Smiley piercing and snake bite piercings. And one of those bar things in her ear. Look up the piercings on Google if you don't know what they look like.**

**Kelsey Hanson- Short, with pale skin, blue eyes and dark reddish black hair. No piercings, but she wears very bright colourful make up.**

**Rylan Hornall- Tall, with pale skin, very light blue eyes and light brown hair. Doesn't wear make up. Ears Pierced.**

**Meghan Morris- Medium height, brown hair, blue eyes and freckled skin without make up. Ears pierced.**

**Aja Ramsey- Short, with mocha skin and brown/hazel eyes. Her hair is a caramel colour and is very, very curly, in a sort of afro, but the curls aren't frizzy. They are in small ringlets.**

**ALL GIRLS- In Gryffindor, silly, but very loyal and loving in their own way. I always know that they're there for me. (End of descriptions)**

"Hey, can I eat breakfast with you guys?" I asked shyly, while looking down.

"Yeah sure Lily! Bwah ha ha! Come to the dark side!" That was Shelly of course.

I giggled, "Thanks."

And so the routine continued, I would hang out with them in all of my spare time and it really helped me, while I waited for Brittany and Ashley to forgive me.

One morning, when I was awakened by my alarm clock which signaled for me to get ready for breakfast. I got out of bed and to my surprise Ashley and Brittany were still there and they were both looking at me. I just started to get changed into my robes.

"Why don't you talk to us anymore?" Ashley asked me.

"You've been avoiding us Lily, what did we ever do to you?" Brittany asked.

"You guys wouldn't talk to me for 2 weeks, so I didn't think you wanted to be friends anymore," I replied quietly.

"We waited for you to come back!" Brittany shouted defensively.

"How was I supposed to know?" I replied, a bit louder this time.

"If you were trying hard enough to be our friend, you would have noticed!" Ashley exclaimed.

"I did try, I tried so hard! But you couldn't bother to turn and look at me whenever I was talking to you guys!" I yelled back.

"I don't want to have to turn back and forth between you and Brittany, it's too troublesome," Ashley replied loudly.

"You didn't have trouble doing that before," I replied to her. My voice was on the edge f hysterical.

"You've changed Lily, I don't even know who you are anymore," Brittany said to me.

"Of course I changed, you guys completely ignored me! How can you expect me to stay the same?!" Now I was hysterical. I was so confused, so I left the dorm room.

I ran outside and felt moisture on my face dripping down and landing on my shirt, so I "accioed" and umbrella and walked briskly away.

I saw people staring at me weirdly and I wondered why, maybe it's because I looked like I felt (completely alone and full of despair) but I had just had my heart broken, so I had more important things to think about.

I didn't realize that they were staring at me because I was holding an umbrella…

Even though it wasn't raining.

**An: I'm sorry that took, so long guys, I know that this story is based on something true, but I couldn't decide how to transfer this chapter into the different characters, so I had major writers block.**

**Please Review. It'll make me really happy. : ) **


	5. Fix You

Summary: Lily had a great life filled with love, friendship and happiness. Then, her 2 best friends turned their backs on her. Can James save her from them…and herself? Lily/James.

**Life**

**Chapter 5- Fix You**

**(An: I tried to write this chapter as fast as possible. ;) I hope you guys like it)**

**Claimer: I own all poems used in this chapter**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or Brittany or Ashley. I also do not own any of the new characters, EXCEPT FOR DUCKY!! MWA HAHA! (Rylan) : ) Just kidding. I don't own Fix You by Coldplay.**

_**From Chapter 4**_

_I ran outside and felt moisture on my face dripping down and landing on my shirt, so I "accioed" and umbrella and walked briskly away._

_I saw people staring at me weirdly and I wondered why, maybe it's because I looked like I felt (completely alone and full of despair) but I had just had my heart broken, so I had more important things to think about._

_I didn't realize that they were staring at me because I was holding an umbrella…_

_Even though it wasn't raining._

**(AN: THE STORY IS NO LONGER IN FLASHBACK, HERE'S THE PROLOGUE BEFORE THE FLASHBACK.)**

_(Prologue)_

_It's always so unexpected…so unpredictable. You never know when it'll happen because it sneaks up on you like a cat does a mouse. _

_It felt as if my world, as if my heart was shattered, as if it had broken into pieces that would never be put back together again. The pieces so miniscule that they fell through my fingers like sand. _

_After that, I didn't know if I could ever live like I did before. I fell deeper and deeper into the dark hole where my heart was supposed to be._

_Happiness is no longer a part of my future; it's a part of my past._

_**( End of Flashback)**_

'Screw the umbrella.' I thought as I tossed it aside.

_**When you try your best, but you don't succeed**_

I ran. I ran until I couldn't breathe, until I couldn't think, until I was completely and totally numb. I tried so hard to be their friend and they shoved it back in my face, along with some confusing lies that I didn't understand. They said I wasn't trying, but that's all I ever did. All I ever did.

_**When you get what you want, but not what you need**_

_**  
**_I had finally gotten them to talk to me, but it wasn't what I was expecting. I need to hear them say they forgive me and that they are sorry for yelling at me, but I don't think that'll happen any time soon.

_**When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep  
**_

I stop running and I realize that it wasn't raining at all and my eyes were just overflowing with tears. I lie on the grass and think about what had happened just today. I'm tired, so tired. But there is so much on my mind. I want to sleep, but I know I won't right now. _No way._

_**Stuck in reverse  
**_

I can't stop thinking about what was said a few minutes ago. About me being different and that I had changed; it bothered me that they truly didn't understand why I had "changed." I remember the stupid excuse Ashley came up with about not being able to turn and talk to me because it was bothersome, or troublesome, who cares because it was downright bullocks. For a while I just listened to the wind and chirping of birds to keep my mind off of the incident.

_**  
And the tears come streaming down your face**_

A few hours later, I am still lying in the grass and I start replaying the fight over and over in my head. Just thinking about what had happened is making me cry again. I didn't think it was possible since I had cried so much already today. I thought I had run out of tears. If I kept going on like this, I wouldn't have any tears left.

_**  
When you lose something you can't replace**_

_**When you love someone, but it goes to waste**_

I don't think I can ever go back to being friends with them. It would be too hard, but I still loved them so much, even though it feels like it was for nothing. I couldn't bear to leave them. I mean I have Rylan and the girls to turn to, but I don't think I can replace Brittany and Ashley just yet.

_**  
Could it be worse?**_

It starts to rain for real as I stay still in the lush green grass, thinking.

Lights will guide you home

"Lily?" I heard a voice call, "Are you out here?" I sit up and look over to see Remus. My crush.

_**And ignite your bones**_

"Yes, I'm here," I reply even though he's already seen me. My face turns tomato-red instantly as he approaches because I'm sure I look horrid, since I cried so much. "Are you alright?" He asks as he notices the paths on my cheeks where my tears had fallen down. "I'm fine," I reply while wiping at my face. "Just a bit of dust in my eyes," I say.

_**  
And I will try to fix you**_

"But Lily," he says gently, "It's raining, there can't be any dust. I can see that you don't want to talk about it though, but if you do, I don't mind listening. I want to help you." And with that he smiled at me and reached for my cold trembling hands.__

And high up above or down below  
When you're too in love to let it go

After Remus helped me up, he went to let go of my hand, but I held fast and said, "You were right, I don't want to talk about it, but for now…could you hold my hand?"

_**  
But if you never try you'll never know  
Just what you're worth  
**_

I was nervous and hoped that his reaction wasn't too disgusted, but he just smiled and replied, "Sure, I'll do anything I can for you."

_**  
Lights will guide you home  
And ignite your bones**_

Even though it was long after Remus had left after bringing me back to the common room, I still had butterflies. I kept replaying what had happened between me and him over and over.

_**  
And I will try to fix you**_

He had helped me feel so much better in just a few moments. __

Tears stream down your face

Then I remembered what I had momentarily forgotten, why I even needed cheering up in the first place.

_**  
When you lose something you cannot replace**_

What will I do? As I am thinking I do not notice that James Potter has in fact come through the portrait and is staring at me.

_**  
Tears stream down your face  
And I...**_

…look up and see him, I try to wipe away my tears without his notice, but it's to no avail because he already has noticed and is coming over to the coach I am situated on.__

Tears stream down on your face

"Why are you crying Lily?" He asks gently as he sits next to me. I just shake my head and continue thinking about how I am going to fix everything.

_**  
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes**_

This shouldn't have happened, I should have just avoided Potter and this wouldn't have happened. I should have learned the consequences after I lied to Brittany and Ashley about who gave me the cat. About my secret admirer.

_**  
Tears stream down your face  
And I...**_

I forget that Potter is there until he wipes a tear from my cheek with a handkerchief. Then he offers it to me. "Here, it looks like you need this," He whispers.__

Lights will guide you home

I realize something that I should have realized a while ago. Potter…er James is not my enemy; he's just been trying to help me all of this time. Why have I been so horrible to him…he doesn't deserve it. I don't deserve his kindness at all.

_**  
And ignite your bones**_

I accept the handkerchief anyways, but then realize that this situation will not help Brittany and Ashley forgive me. Suddenly it hits me and I remember why I am so terrible to him…I can't like him; I can't be near him because it would hurt my friends. It not fair to him at all because he didn't do anything, so I whisper quickly, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." "Why?" he asks me. "I'm sorry! I'm so horrible, so…so horrible." And with that I get up and run to my room so I can hide under my covers.

"Lily! There's nothing you need to be sorry about! Please come back!" He shouts to me as I race up the stairs. And then he yells out…words that I do not deserve because of all the pain I have caused everyone…

"I _want_ to help you!"

_**And I will try to fix you…**_

I deserve to be broken…

**An: I hope you liked this chapter. **

**Please Review. **


	6. Second Chance

Summary: Lily had a great life filled with love, friendship and happiness. Then, her 2 best friends turned their backs on her. Can James save her from them…and herself? Lily/James.

**Life**

**Chapter 5- Fix You**

**(An: I decided that I would continue this story after a long time of thinking. I was struck by inspiration to continue this after listening to "Second Chance" by Shinedown. I suggest you listen to it while reading this chapter. I'm sorry for the long wait, but at least I'm continuing)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or Brittany or Ashley. I also do not own any of the new characters. I don't own "Second Chance" by Shinedown. I changed the lyrics a bit so they would go with the story better.~~*~~**

_**From Chapter 5**_

_**Lights will guide you home**_

_I realize something that I should have realized a while ago. Potter…er James is not my enemy; he's just been trying to help me all of this time. Why have I been so horrible to him…he doesn't deserve it. I don't deserve his kindness at all. _

_**  
And ignite your bones**_

_I accept the handkerchief anyways, but then realize that this situation will not help Brittany and Ashley forgive me. Suddenly it hits me and I remember why I am so terrible to him…I can't like him; I can't be near him because it would hurt my friends. It's not fair to him at all because he didn't do anything, so I whisper quickly, "I'm sorry." "Why?" he asks me. "I'm sorry! I'm so horrible, so…so horrible." And with that I get up and run to my room so I can hide under my covers._

"_Lily! There's nothing you need to be sorry about! Please come back!" He shouts to me as I race up the stairs. And then he yells out…words that I do not deserve because of all the pain I have caused everyone…_

"_I want to help you!"_

_**And I will try to fix you…**_

_I deserve to be broken…_

It will always hurt…when you realize that you are the cause of someone else's misery. They don't deserve it, but because of you, they must go through this pain. It makes you feel like poison. At least…that's how I feel. So if you want to leave, I understand. In fact, I encourage you to stay away because you know what they say about poison…it's deadly and I don't want to become a murderer.

**Chapter 6**

If there was anything that I ever needed, it was to have someone that could understand how I feel. I need someone who can withstand my poisonous spirit and suck out the venom from my soul. But for now, I just need some solitude. For the next few weeks I found myself shutting down. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I avoided Potter, Brittany and Ashley. I even avoided my new friends because I was scared that my poison was contagious. I have given up on school and everything else.

I'm also giving up on life.

_**My eyes are open wide  
And by the way, I made it through the day**_

Report cards were handed out and I was appalled with my grades. My wide eyes scan the paper and I see that I am failing everything. I guess this is what happens when you stop living and start surviving. _**  
**_

_**I watched the world outside  
By the way, I'm leaving out today**_

My grades were sent home to my parents because they were so bad. My parents were so disappointed that they said I should stay at school for the holidays so I can catch up with my work. I don't blame them at all._****_

I just saw Hayley's comet  
She waved  
Said why you always running in place?

I feel like I'm running in circles because no matter how hard I try to move on with my life, I keep coming back to my depressed state.

_**  
Even the man in the  
Moon disappeared  
Somewhere in the  
Stratosphere  
**_

It felt like everything was going to be ok, but then everyone just started to abandon me again.

**Flashback~ **

_**9 years old**_

"_Jade," I said excitedly, "I heard you made the football (soccer) team! Congratulations."_

"_Thanks, did you make it?" She replied. I put my head down a little and said, "No, but I'll do better next year. Do you want to come over and play after school?"_

"_I can't," Jade answers, "I have to go to practice tonight…and tomorrow night as well."_

"_Oh…Okay! I'll see you tomorrow," I replied._

_For the next few weeks I kept asking my friend of 5 years to play with me, but she always had practice. Finally one day she said, "Stop asking! I have practice and maybe you would too if you were good enough to make the team! You're not even good enough to be my friend anymore…I've made new friends, so you should too!"_

_And with that I was alone._

**End Flashback~**

After Jade left I was alone until I met Brittany and Ashley here at Hogwarts, but they've left too. Now my Mum and Dad don't even want me for Christmas. I understand their reasons, I do, but it doesn't mean that I don't feel like I'm not good enough.

_**  
Tell my mother,  
Tell my father  
I've done the best I can**_

_**To make them realize  
This is my life**_

I know that I whine and complain too much, but it's so hard…too hard to life to my expectations and everyone else's at the same time. I'll never live up to them. People just need to accept that I'm a failure and that's all I'll ever be.

_****_

I hope they understand  
I'm not angry, I'm just saying...  
Sometimes goodbye  
Is a second chance

I need to get away. A new environment would be good for me, but where would I go? Aw hell. I know I'm stuck here, so why am I even thinking like this. I'll always be stuck here. _****_

Please don't cry  
One tear for me

Since I'm stuck here and sick of just surviving, I need to sort things out with Brittany and Ashley so I can get on with this so called life.

I wait for Brittany and Ashley to come back to the room. Onyx is curled up on my pillow and I pet her while I wait. I contemplate some phrases, but none seem good enough for me to say. I look up as I hear the door open. It's just Brittany. She glances at me and goes to her clothes so she can change into her pajamas.

_**  
I'm not afraid of  
What I have to say  
**_

"Hey Brittany, we need to talk. Could you talk to me please?" She looks a bit shocked, but she lets out a simple, "Sure."

_**This is my one and only voice  
So listen close, it's only for today**_

"Before I start talking, can I have your word that you'll let me finish before interrupting me or telling me what you think?" I ask quietly. I wait and she says, "Sure," Again.

"Okay, I just feel like you and Ashley have been really unfair to me because you started being rude and ignoring me because of what you saw. You never asked me what really happened; you just assumed that I was in a secret relationship with Potter, which is not true." I could feel my anger trying to come through my words. "You guys are too obsessed with this guy; you both need to calm down a bit because it's not helping our friendship at all. I want to be friends again, but you guys are making it difficult."

_**Tell my best friends  
I've done the best I can  
To make them realize  
This is my life  
I hope they understand  
I'm not angry, I'm just saying...  
**_

Her expression didn't change and she looked at the floor while I was talking, but I knew she was listening. Eventually she said, "First of all, it's Ashley who's obsessed, I don't get all weird and freaky over guys like she does. Second, I'm sorry, but what were we supposed to think? You're right, we should have asked what really happened, but I guess we were just heartbroken. It was one of those act first, think later moments." She looked up and smiled, "I'm glad you still want to ne friends, so do I."

"Sorry about the obsessing comment and can you not tell Ashley about it? I don't want her mad at me anymore than she is already…" I smile back tentatively.

"Sure thing," Brittany replies with a giggle.

_**Sometimes goodbye  
Is a second chance  
**_

She got up and hugged me, "I need to go talk to Ashley now. To tell her that you still want to be friends. Maybe we can sort this all out."

I hug her back and reply, "Ok, see you later."

"Bye," she replied as she walked out and shut the door behind her.

_**  
Here's my chance  
This is my chance  
**_

I am so happy that I collapse onto my bed in a fit of happy tears. Nice Lily, I think, you still cry even though things are looking up. A wry smile plays as my lips and I drift off to sleep with salt water in my eyes.

I wake up at 6:00am the next day only to see Ashley sitting on her bed glaring at me. I sit up slowly… "What's wrong?" I ask cautiously, "are you okay?"

_**Tell my best friends  
I've done the best I can**_

_**To make them realize  
This is my life**_

"Funny you should ask me that," she snaps back, "Seeing as you called me an obsessed stalker."

"Wha..? Who told you that?" I ask puzzled and half asleep. "Brittany. She talked to you and you said that I obsess over James too much and that I'm a stalker." Ashley growls out. "To be honest Ashley, it's not healthy to find out where a boy lives…that is kind of stalkerish." I reply meekly.

_**I hope they understand  
I'm not angry, I'm just saying...**_

"I am not a STALKER!" She shrieks and then she turns to the door. "Wait Ashley! I'm sorry!" I call out earnestly.

"No way Lily! I'm done with you!" she screams, "You're too hurtful!"

_****_

Sometimes goodbye  
Is a second chance

"But, I want to be friends again, please wa-" "GOODBYE!!" she yells as she slams the door.

_**Sometimes goodbye **_

_**Is a second chance**_

…or not

**An: I'm going to try to keep updating, but I'm making no promises.**

**Please review. **


	7. Frightening Truth

Summary: Lily had a great life filled with love, friendship and happiness. Then, her 2 best friends turned their backs on her. Can James save her from them…and herself? Lily/James.

**Life**

**Chapter 7- Frightening Truth**

**(An: ***I realized that I made a mistake in the name of the chapter, it says "Chapter 5-Fix You", where in this chapter it says, "Chapter 7-Frightening Truth" I apologize.*** Thanks for all the lovely reviews. They always make me smile. I'm sorry for the long wait, but I'm trying to write this as true as I can. James is in this chapter, I hope you like it. This chapter is a bit more exciting.)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or Brittany or Ashley. I also do not own any of the new characters. ~~*~~**

_**From Chapter 6**_

_I wake up at 6:00am the next day only to see Ashley sitting on her bed glaring at me. I sit up slowly… "What's wrong?" I ask cautiously, "Are you okay?"_

_**Tell my best friends  
I've done the best I can**_

_**To make them realize  
This is my life**_

"_Funny you should ask me that," she snaps back, "Seeing as you called me an obsessed stalker."_

"_Wha..? Who told you that?" I ask puzzled and half asleep. "Brittany. She talked to you and you said that I obsess over James too much and that I'm a stalker." Ashley growls out. "To be honest Ashley, it's not healthy to find out where a boy lives…that is kind of stalkerish." I reply meekly._

_**I hope they understand  
I'm not angry, I'm just saying...**_

"_I am not a STALKER!" She shrieks and then she turns to the door. "Wait Ashley! I'm sorry!" I call out earnestly._

"_No way Lily! I'm done with you!" she screams, "You're too hurtful!"_

_**Sometimes goodbye  
Is a second chance**_

"_But, I want to be friends again, please wa-" "GOODBYE!!" she yells as she slams the door._

_**Sometimes goodbye **_

_**Is a second chance**_

…_or not_

**Chapter 7**

Ashley was gone, and with her she took my trust in her and Brittany, and fragments of me, of my soul, that I somehow knew I would never get back. Each fragment represented a part of me that was positive; my optimistic nature, my happy personality, and my capability of being able to love someone else. She took something else too. A part of me that is vital to have in a situation like this. What she took was the part of me that used to love myself. That fragment may have been small, too hard to see, but it was there and it made me feel important, if not, loved by other people. After she took that, all that was left of me was a broken shell too fragile to stand up on its own.

I went into my suit case and found my little piece of broken plate. This piece of plate brought back memories of where it came from.

_**~(Flashback)~**__ 14 years old_

_The shattered plate lies on the floor in tiny and large fragments. I bend down and start to pick up the pieces. I hear footsteps stomping into the kitchen, and then a voice, "Why can't you do anything right!?" my dad hollers, "Your always breaking and spilling things all over the house! Can't you grow up and try not to destroy my house!?"_

_Usually he is a bit calmer at times like these, but we had been fighting before and he wanted a reason to yell because he was mad. It was my fault._

_Just like everything else._

"_What are you? Perfect?" I ask him angrily. "Can't you calm down it's just a broken plate…"_

"_Yes, I am perfect. Maybe one day you will be too! But you need to grow up!" He replies furiously._

"_When will you get it!? There's no such thing as perfect." I am so angry that I am shaking. "And like I said before, it's just a plate. Is a plate more important than your own kid!?" I run up the stairs and into my room before I slam the door and sit on my bed. _

_Tears are running down my face, racing towards gravity. "Ouch!"I feel a sharp pain in my hand and see a small amount of blood in my palm along with a big piece of the plate that I didn't throw away. I watch the blood lazily ooze from my hand and for some reason it calms me, despite the pain. I grab the piece of glass and slowly draw the sharp end down the back of my wrist making a jagged line on my arm. As the blood is oozing out, I repeat the action in the same spot over and over, until I feel content._

_I feel alive. _

_**~(End Flashback)~**_

This piece of plate represented a part of my soul that loathed me with all I was worth. It was used for mutilation when I felt that I needed to be punished. Walking into the bathroom, I gripped it in my hands gently, while cradling it to my chest. After the weapon penetrated my skin, I got into the shower and let the red mix with the clear. Pink swirled into the drain.

I washed my hair and got out, and then I changed into jeans and a blue t-shirt. Then I proceeded to clean all the traces of my crimson tears from the porcelain tiles, and I wiped off the inside off my arm again, which was still bleeding and put a bandage over the wound, covering it completely. I will let myself heal the muggle way because I deserve all the pain that I encounter. I will bear this scar and be reminded of the pain I caused and endured, until the day I die.

Now I needed to find Ashley, to get back the pieces of me that were stolen so abruptly. I put on my shoes and hurry outside to see if I can find her and beg for forgiveness. When I got outside the door, I hit something at full speed. Then, I fell backwards and landed on my rear. Hoping that I had just run into Ashley, I looked up and to my disappointment, saw James Potter instead. I stood up quickly and brushed myself off.

"Hey Lily, um I know you've been avoiding me lately, but I want to talk to you," He sounded shy for some reason, usually he wasn't so quiet. "I'm sorry, I've got to go," I made my way around him quickly only to have my arm trapped in an iron grasp. It hurt because he happened to grab the arm that I had cut open.

"I'm sorry, but it's important-wh-what happened to your arm?" He asked me, with a look of horror in his eyes.

I looked down to and noticed that my wounds had bled through the bandages and a trickle of crimson was sliding down to my fingertips. I don't know why he was so worried, it wasn't that much blood.

"I-I fell… I was just on my way to see Madam Pomfrey," I answer while stuttering a bit.

"Let me see," Potter almost shouts as he sounds too worried, "We need to stop the bleeding." Before I can protest, he pulls me closer and rips open my sleeve quickly. He then, pulls off the bandages as I squeak, "It's fine." Then he gasps as he sees all of my cuts on my arm. He stares at the series of cuts and a flash of anger comes over his face as he notices that the cuts are in all different directions and couldn't possibly be from falling.

"Let go!" I yell trying to pull away, but his hold is too tight. He lets go of my arm, just to grab my shoulders and bring his face level to mine.

"Did you do this to yourself?" He asks me in a serious and angry voice and when I hesitate, he repeats his question, but he's louder this time, with pure fury, "Damnit Lily! Did you do this to yourself!?"

With wide eyes, I say, "Don't yell, please don't yell, I'll be good, just don't yell." I'm trembling in fear. I get scared whenever men yell at me. It reminds me of the fights that I have with Dad. He softens his hold and a pained look crosses his features. I take my chance and push with all my might, which causes him to topple backwards onto the floor.

I run.

"Lily, I'm sorry! Please wait! I didn't mean to scare you…please!" He's a fair distance behind me as I'm outside and running into the forbidden forest, with tears trailing down my face and mixing with the rain.

I just keep running past the trees and over the stones. I can't feel the rain as much in the thick forest, but I'm soaking wet. I stumble over a large branch, but keep going, I'd rather face a forest creature instead of Potter. I'm terrified of him now.

"Please Lily! I'm sorry!" It scares me to hear his voice so close, it's probably because of his longer legs. Even though it's early in the morning, I can't see where I'm going very well because most of the trees block out the light coming from the sky. So I don't see the large stone in front of me and I trip over it, falling down hard, with only my hands to break the fall. I land hard on my hands and forearms, hitting one of them on a medium sized pebble. It happens to be the arm with the cuts. I hiss and more tears fall down my face.

Footsteps thunder and slow to a stop and I spin over onto my back to see Potter right in front of me. Even though I'm scared, I can't help but feel a sense of déjà vu because this is how he last caught up to me when I was running away. I use my legs to back up and I say, "S-s-stay away P-potter. Please leave m-me alone." I'm cold and I'm shivering so hard that I'm convulsing, or is it the fear?

He just ignores my pleading words and get's on his knees, only a few feet away from me. His face looks so sad. "Oh Lily, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to lose control like that. Please don't be scared." I keep inching back until he grabs my ankle and pulls me towards him. I dig my fingers into the dirt, trying to pull myself back, but he's too strong and soon I am in his arms.

He feels so warm compared to my cold self, but I push away, "D-d-don't, p-please let go," I don't even move a fraction of an inch away from him because he's holding me so tight. I start to warm up and push away with my whole body which causes _me _to fall back, but I turn around and try to stand, only to have him grab me from behind and cradle me to his chest. "I'm sorry." He keeps murmuring in my ear.

"Don't! L-let me go you-ah!" he stands up with me in his arms and I kick out, hitting him in the shins. My fear puts a lot of force into this kick and I get Potter to let go. I turn around to run again, but he tackles me to the ground, "Lily, stop! Damnit! That hurt!" He flips me around and straddles my waist, putting his hands on my biceps, to keep me down.

I freeze for a second, he yelled again, and now I'm powerless against him. "Please, please don't! Please!"

Potter looks regretful again and says, "I'm sorry," then his head snaps up to look somewhere ahead of us. I keep blubbering and pleading, "Don't plea-!" He cuts me off by putting a hand on my mouth and then he stands up and grabs me around the waist, running off in a different direction until we get to a hollowed tree trunk with a large hole in it, he pulls me in with him and sits at the far end. His hand is still on my mouth and I'm clawing at it trying to get it off, but his grip is relentless. He's leaning against the edge of the small space with me in between his legs and his arms around my shoulders holding me back.

"Shhh, I think the centaurs were out there and I don't have my wand," he whispered, "Be quiet or they'll find us." The centaurs didn't like having people in the forbidden forest, so I froze, aside from my powerful convulsions from being so cold. He was warmer than me, but I was still feeling frozen, my insides still hadn't thawed out.

He pulls me to him tighter and says words that scare me the other half way to death, "we might be stuck here for the day, and possible night."

Everything goes black.

I wake up to find myself still wrapped in Potters arms, but now we are lying down. His chin is atop my head and my head is at facing his chest. I'm still wet and shivering, but I'm not as cold as I was before. I try to gently pry myself out of his arms, but he stirs and wakes up. "Mmm...wha? Oh you're awake!" he whispers loudly. I only reply with a curt, "Let go." And he says, "If you promise not to run away." "Fine, I promise," I reply and he lets go, inching over to block the exit of this tiny cavern.

"What time is it?" I ask sleepily while rubbing my fatigue from my eyes. "It's 9:00pm, we slept basically all say," he replies after glancing at his watch, he continues, "We'll probably have to stay here the night, which is good, because I want some answers." I back away from him as far as I can, shivering still. "Calm down, I won't judge you if you tell me why you did it. I just want to help you," Potter pleads with me and I can feel the dam breaking as he uses that phrase again. I don't deserve any help after what I've done.

But I tell him everything about how Ashley and Brittany basically love him, how Brittany betrayed my trust, how I fight with my father a lot. He just sat there quietly taking it all in. As everything poured out of me, in the form of broken words, tears trickled down my cold, pale cheeks. When I was done, all he said was, "I'm sorry Lily, out of all the people in this world, you are the person who deserves that the least."

That just made me cry harder because I do deserve it.

I deserve it all.

After a few minutes in silence, aside from my sobbing, Potter looks up at me and says, "Are you cold?" I'm surprised he hasn't noticed my shivering until now because it was so bad before, but I reply, "I'm f-f-fine," through my tears, but the chattering of my teeth causes me to stutter, making my lie even more unconvincing. I only notice what he's wearing when he opens his cloak to revel jeans and a black long sleeved sweater.

He replies with, "Come here." And before I can answer, he grabs my uninjured arm and pulls me towards himself turning me around, so my back is against his chest. I stop crying out of surprise, as Potter pulls the cloak over both of us and wraps his arms around me. "I-I'm fine, it's ok-k-kay really." I protest futilely, not sure if I'm stuttering from the cold or shyness of the close proximity. I don't feel afraid because after confiding in him with all my problems, I _can't _be afraid of him. I pull myself away a little, as he just keeps holding me saying, "Your freezing Lily, just let me hold you"

I swear, if I was warm enough to blush, I would be now. I feel my shy part of me creeping into my voice as I mutter, "Fine," and start to fall asleep again, exhausted from crying so much. I was able to sleep easy because now it feels like I've taken a 100 pound weight of f of my shoulders, so I drift off.

I do not resurface until the next morning.

~*~*~

**I tried to make this chapter longer and add more Lily/James moments because it's been a while since I've updated. It was incredibly awkward for me to write, but I hope you liked it. :)**

**Please review; you guys don't know how much it means to me. **


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